When the Leaves Turn Yellow
by DieHardKataang
Summary: Could I love him? Would I even dare? A dangerous love it would be. KATAANG. Please R&R!


_A/N: Hey guys! So this is only my 2nd fanfiction and honestly...I'm not sure I like it all that much. Idk, just seems a little ramble-y to me. But whatever. Please read and pretty pretty please with extra cherries or fudge or whatever topping makes you happy on top REVIEW! I love constructive criticism or just your thoughts in general!_

_Sooo...yeah. This is more of like...a stream of consciousness than an actual story...I just sort of started writing and wasn't sure where it was going and well...this happened! It's Katara's POV and takes place sometime between Southern Raiders and EIP._

_Yep, that's basically it! Thanks for reading! :)_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not and never will own the beauty and perfection that is Avatar: The Last Airbender or it's characters...*sigh* _

* * *

Is this love? No, it can't be. He's my friend…best friend. That's it. There's nothing romantic between us. Sure, there may be some rosy cheeks and cheating glances every now and then, but that's normal for a bunch of adolescents… right?

How could it be love? I'm barely fifteen for goodness sakes! How on earth could I have possibly fallen in love? Yeah, I love him as a best friend, even a brother…but nothing more…I'm sure of it. Yeah. Totally sure of it…

Or am I? I may only be fifteen, but I feel so much older now. I've done so much growing up in the past year… probably a little too much. I accept the loss of my innocence; frankly, I probably lost that a long time ago. I have been through more than most at my age, and have seen and felt feelings I didn't know could be so strong: fear, anger, regret, anguish…so why not love?

Maybe it isn't as crazy as it seems. Could I love him? Would I even dare? A dangerous love it would be; a risky one. He's my best friend, and although I could rattle off an extensive list of all of his amazing qualities, he has a darker, more vulnerable side that not many get to see. A side he only lets me see.

Ask a stranger on the street what he's like, and they'll probably say that they've heard he is one of the most upbeat, energetic kids you'll ever meet. They may say he can get a little too wild, but it's always a sight to see.

Dig a little deeper and ask my brother, and he'll probably tell you that he's one of the single most annoying kids he has ever met….and that he loves him regardless. He will probably tell you that the kid's got issues, and that he feels bad for what is being forced on him, but he wouldn't dare say more.

If you ask me…well, my answer will be a bit different. Yes, he has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen that could light up the darkest night. Yes, he is crazy in a good way and never fails at finding new and exciting ways to surprise me, whether it be a memory from his distant past or one of his quirky antics.

But, I would also say that he is so completely and utterly broken. He does an outstanding job of disguising his anguish with a plastered smile and a quick but smooth change of subject, but I know better. I see the darkness that clouds his usually bright and brilliant gray eyes when certain subjects are touched upon. I hear the ever so slight change in his tone when a topic arises that is uncomfortable…or difficult…for only him.

No one else seems to notice. They don't even shrug it off because they don't believe that there is anything to be concerned about in the first place. They think he is just a brave kid who is living his life and fulfilling his destiny to the best of his abilities. But, then again, none of them have really taken the time to get to know him. At least, not in the way I have.

I talk to him, he talks to me. I tell him everything, he tells me everything. There are no secrets between us, and so I know his darker, more vulnerable side. No one would ever know it, but under his expertly crafted mask of bravery, wisdom, and joy… is anger. Burning, painful anger. But he isn't angry at the things people would expect him to be. He isn't angry at the Firelord for continuing this war as a part of his vanity project. He isn't angry at the people who hate him, even when they don't even know him, just because of who he is. He isn't even angry at the world, like I am, for choosing him as the Avatar and forcing this impossible destiny on him. He just isn't capable of holding grudges…at least not against other people.

Instead, he's angry at himself. He regrets his foolish decisions of the past. He's angry at himself for running away and leaving the world without an Avatar for a hundred years. He's angry at himself for burning me when he first attempted firebending. He's angry at himself for losing control and entering the Avatar state more than once, for failing at Ba Sing Se, for failing on the Day of Black Sun…for not being the Avatar that the world desperately needs.

I tell him it wasn't his fault, that things are the way they're meant to be, that he is _exactly_ the Avatar the world needs. But he doesn't listen. He won't believe me. I think he believes I'm somehow biased, that I would say those things even if they weren't true. He just can't see all the wonderful things that I can.

And, as what normally comes as the byproduct of anger…he's afraid. So terribly and hopelessly afraid. And so terribly and hopelessly good at hiding it. No one would ever know it by looking at him. Not a quiver in his voice, not even a flinch of a muscle in his face ever betrays his fear. Even I believed he might be fearless until he told me himself in a time of vulnerability. He told me how he was afraid of the future…and afraid he may not have one. Naturally, I wanted to tell him that he would have a great future; that he would have a long and happy life full of joy and fun. But I had to stop myself. How do I know that? The odds against us are far too great to say anything with any real certainty. I don't even know if I will live to see the autumn. I don't doubt him, but he is afraid nonetheless. I suppose I would be too if I were forced with his destiny.

And from his fear comes yet another underlying emotion: sadness. He mourns for the loss of his people on a daily basis, for the loss of his beloved mentor. He grieves for the life he lost when he ran away, for the him who died along with the rest of his people. He hates the fact that just by being his friend, I, along with the rest of our group, am in constant danger. It hurts him knowing that we are sometimes caught in the middle and even have to fight in a war that shouldn't have started in the first place.

So, with all this, how could I possibly love him? He's volatile, dangerous, and has ever turbulent emotions. My life is threatened just by traveling with him! Of course, I would _never_ leave him. I was there when he woke from the iceberg and I will be there until the very end. Not just then end of the war, but the cold, hard, bitter end. But that's what friends do, right? They stick with you through thick and thin, through triumphs and trials, good, bad, and everything in between. But…

Friends don't kiss friends. Okay, yes, technically, he kissed me…but I'll admit that I didn't pull away like I should have. I kissed him back. And…I liked it. And now I'm confused. So totally and hopelessly confused. After he kissed me, I start noticing things about him that I never saw before. Has he always been this tall? When did his voice get so much deeper? When did his muscles get so toned? Did my face always used to heat up when he looked at me with those stormy gray eyes?

Ugh, what is wrong with me? I have more important things to be thinking about, to be worrying about! There's a war going on for spirit's sake and we're the ones who are supposed to stop it! I don't have time to be thinking about love! I should be thinking about strategies or training or…or…

Or maybe I should be thinking about it. Maybe I _should_ figure this all out now. I said it myself, I don't know if we'll live to see next fall; isn't it better to not leave anything unspoken in case…

No. Snap out of it Katara. There is no in case. We _will_ see the fall. We _will_ feel the temperature drop and watch the beautiful leaves fall from the trees and litter the ground in a stunning array of yellows, browns, and oranges. He always told me autumn was his favorite season, and so he is just going to have to live long enough to enjoy it with me.

And in order for this dream to become reality, we need to be focused. No romance means no distractions. I can settle my confusion after the war, after I know he's safe, after I know _we're_ safe. He doesn't need me to be a distraction and I don't think I could survive if I lost someone I loved. I don't think I could-

Wait…_someone I loved_. _Loved_.

Someone I love.

Well, I guess that settles that then. I love him. I'm in love with the Avatar. It sounds crazy. He's my best friend, how could I possibly love him as anything more? But I do, and I'm just now realizing it. The thought makes me smile. Huh, being in love. Strange. And what's better, I know he loves me too. He made that all too clear before the invasion.

But he can't know, not yet. There are bigger things going on that are in greater need of our attention, things we need to focus on. No distractions. We already have so much to worry about; we shouldn't go piling on more unnecessary stress if we don't have to.

But still, it's a nice thought. A comforting thought. I don't even realize that my thoughts are being reflected plainly on my face until the very person who put me into such deep thinking sits beside me on the front steps of our temporary home on Ember Island and gently nudges my shoulder, startling me out of my daze.

"You've been sitting here alone for a while," he says to me. "Whatcha been thinking about?"

"Oh, you know...things," I reply lamely. No way am I going to let him know what- or more like _who_- has been running through my mind.

He chuckles and says, "Well that's not vague at _all_."

I look over to see him giving me one of those smiles…that beautiful, genuine smile that makes my heart flutter…has it always done that?

"I've just been thinking about life and stuff. You know…the future."

An indescribable flash of emotion crosses his face before he shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, let's try not to be so serious right now. There will be plenty of time for that soon with the comet being only a week away. I think that, right now, we should enjoy whatever free time we have."

He stands up and extends his hand to me, gesturing for me to get up and take it. "Besides, we can think about life and serious stuff like that _after_ the war is over," he says with a confidence that tells me he very much intends to have a future. "Let's go to the beach and relax a bit!"

I hesitate only slightly before I smile and take Aang's hand, muttering a small "Okay."

He can't know yet. Not with everything going on. But I'll tell him one day. Maybe when the temperature drops and the leaves turn yellow. Yeah, that's when I'll tell him. One day.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for reading to the end! Please review! :)_


End file.
